My Day.. Saved again ~ Day 31

The day I get saved again will be a day to remember. I have gone through some things this last two years. I have lost my way tremendously. I embraced some things I clearly should have let pass me by. I acquired some things I can't shake. I increase my pain and didn't chose my intuition over my trust. I have failed my heart and increased my stress. I have not honored my God in a way to be proud of.

I'm ready to get back on track. Not cause I've hit rock bottom. Its because it has to be done or all these many words and phrases and pages won't mean a thing, if I don't get back right with the one who had given me the tools to do right and I took my eyes off the manual. I'm testifying for me. Its my day. Its time to turn it back around. I'm giving myself back to the almighty.

Well done... Day of Days 30

Day 30 ~ My proudest day

Sitting here i can't say i have met my proudest day. Graduating high school, having my first baby alone, raising both them together, staying employed and independent, writing and publishing my poetry, walking away from many unhealthy relationships...the list goes on.

The proudest day for me in the future is seeing my kids turn to be productive people in this crazy mixed up world. Me knowing and them knowing i went the extra mile for them. Witnessing them not making the same mistakes i have in this life. I'm so proud of them right now i'm getting teary eyes as i type. *Deep breath*

I will be so proud if I leave this life and leave my mark as a honest person who didn't hold back when it came to saying and being who i am supposed to be. I got a story to tell but I'm not ready to share. Throughout this story I have seen god work it out for me By the minute, the hour, the day. Isaiah 41:10 is the quote I'll refer you too.  If God see the best in me I need no other persons approval period. I am proud of the woman I have become.

Done... Budda approved :)

Just Chillin ~ Day of Days 29

Day 29 What did I do today

I actually slept til 11 a.m cause i had been at the hospital with my mother all day the day before. she had to have surgery done for some kidney stones and I wasn't gonna have peace unless i was there with her. When i got home I had to feed my kids and get in their ass for the house being a mess. All with heavy eyes. By 10:30-11 i was done. Fell asleep fully dressed and woke up to my son telling me i was sleeping in my clothes. I made a few calls checking on my mom because she was discharged home and i wanted to make sure she was comfortable. It was a very uneventful day that i was thankful for cause I am of course on vacation and supposed to catch up.

Fight No More ~ Day of Days 28

#28- the day you had your first fight. why?

My fellow bloggers believe it or not never have had to lay hands on nobody in childhood or adulthood. Verbal fights yes...physical nope unless it was with my sibling and it didn't go past one of em getting mugged in the face. See my brother was the school bully and we were one grade behind each other so no one would touch me because of that clown. Verbally I am an assassin I will scare your ass out of a fight with me. I can fight but I guess it just never gets escalated to that point. I know its been a couple of fellas and ladies who prolly would have loved to snatch my weave off one time but the didn't do it. Nope only fight i'm in now is maintaining my life...that's enough for me.... Fighting for love is overrated to me right now.

This song is in my head after typing this...

Day in my life... Day of Days 27

#27- a day in your life (explain an average day of yours)
Alarm at 6am breath, stretch, shake and moan... awake my little bunnies for school and beat them in the bathroom. Try to get a cup a joe in (never do) Kiss the kids and head to the bus stop for the 7:05 a.m. 
Get to work close to 7:30 am punch in on my desktop and go grab a egg white omelet from the cafeteria (every other day). Listen to my coworker cackle bout there night or hubbies and put my earphones in my ears cause I really don't care.  That's me 2 days after New Years on the picture below.

when i get off work at 430p im usually talking on the phone with my kids as she makes her way home and I'm on the bus on the way also. Come home chat it up with my kids check over their homework and start dinner if i haven't sat down already. While dinner cooks I browse FB check IG and Twitter feeds. The kids have abandoned me by then. Eat, get my workout clothes on (3x a week) get 45 min in then shower and relax. I do try to put a hour or two into my book with a few stops here and their when i get frustrated. I usually end my night with a prayer and maybe a few tears. I got a few things going on and I'm usually a little misty after I know my kids are settled in. Nothing god can't handle for me. I'm not in the bar too much nowadays and when i do go its usually karaoke or a somewhere where they sell good food. 

My day isn't filled with streamers and confetti but it is mine im just plain old Angie... thanks for reading.

Gone and Neva coming back ~ Day of Days 26

#26- the day someone left and never came back (not death related)

I don't know how to answer this without referring you to the blog about the man about the dog about the deception about the neglect about the disrespect about my sticking my neck out bearing my soul ignoring his flaws absorbing the blows of the judgement of the distrust of the aggravation the migraines the stomach pains the fuss the ending that was near the resistance the love whispered in my ear the stalling the pleads the sudden departure the lock...i threw away the key and let the lying dog lay down and keep his damn fleas.

that's all i got decipher it if you will.

MF tell em what i said 

Just winging it ~ Day of Days 25

Day i'm planning for...hmmm
I was planning my wedding for this year but that dream tanked, thank goodness i was just doing it in my head. I plan on just going where the wind blows and doing any and everything to keep my spirits up.

I plan to make sure my kids are covered in case of anything going awry...you just never know when God is ready to take you home. I'm planning on moving out of Cleveland soon as I can afford it and my son is out of high school. I really am not planning for any special day. Just the normal everyday thing us humans do...just lliving life everyday.

I plan on releasing another poetry book but there is no set date cause im working on this one with extra special care. If you guys would like to purchase my book feel free to go to this link As the Budda flows to purchase... a fan of Amazon go to As The Budda Flows - Paperback and for you E-book-ers  As the Budda Flows - Kindle and may others just search the book title and my name. I plan on spreading my love to those who appreciate it.

a memorable summer day - Day of Days 24

Last summer there was a concert all old school  hip hop artist Chubb Rock, Doug E. Fresh, Whodini, Christopher Williams, DJ Pooh, and many more. When I say I felt 16 again and had a ball with my girls. I'll post pictures i can find...i really cant remember who else was there but it was nice summer day. i'll dig through my IG for the pics 

Christopher Williams singing Dont wake me I'm dreaming 

Cleveland Flats skyline 

Micheal Baisden was in the house 

damnit i cant remember his name 

matching outfits lol

Overdue ~ Day of Days 23

Brandon 

My 21st birthday...Welp lets just say it was uneventful except for some Braxton-hicks contractions. I was actually due to have this little man above on November 25, my birthday is November 24th. Besides sitting at my grandmothers house who i lived with worrying about her i did nothing but eat. She had been admitted because she had issues with her colon and they decided to keep her. Yeah what a bummer. I was already having issues with my blood pressure so i didn't go far from the house except to work. They restricted my hours and made me go on maternity leave the week before. I don't remember most of that day maybe cause it was no big deal to me at that time. I was alone, pregnant, and i couldn't stand the father at all. Nine days later i gave birth to Brandon...my true first love after a difficult labor. He was my present. He is my strength. He gave me a reason to believe in love... Not your typical 21st birthday gift. Here is my gift below at age 15.

2 weeks old 

15 yrs young 

Pole dancing w/ the girls Day of Days 22

Day #22 a day with the family you'll never forget

A day with the family you will never forget. A few weeks ago me and cousins went on a road trip to Detroit/Pontiac Michigan to celebrate my cousin birthday. We usually go up there anyway this time of year cause there are two birthdays and plus we like to kick it up there anyway. The itinerary was to go to pole dancing class first and baby i was ready to hop back on that pole. (no pun intended) Our instructors name was Jennifer aka Juicy and she was fabulous. It was about 10 of us there and we all didn't have a shy bone in our body which made the class fun and easy for the instructor. 

Our next stop was a karaoke bar/dinner club whose name is escaping me right now (maybe because the manager was an ass) We never got to eat only half our party received their food and the response to why was "This isn't a banquet hall" yeah it got ugly after that. But it didn't ruin the evening. Just wont be visiting that establishment again. Our family that stayed in Detroit had to figure our next move cause we were hungry and ready to party. We went to this club called 4 Brothers and they club owner took good care of our entourage food drinks and we tore up the dance floor. As always my family and my friends that came along had all eyes on em and showed Detroit what Cleveland ladies bring. 

We ended the night around 4am and went back to our hotel to rest. Usually before we drive back we go to my cousin Mary house to chill and talk but i decided to head back with my girlfriends so another person could ride with my cousin. I actually loved getting away even for one day. sometime i need to get out of my shell and have some fun. I forgot all my issues that day and just let loose. I love when we just get up and go. I'll never forget and i plan to repeat that trip again. Pictures are below.

In love with a Strippa ~ Day of Days 21

#21- the day you met your most recent/or last love

The man above is my ex-fiance Bashaun. I called him Bae cause that's his name. His alter ego Mr. Deep is below. We actually met around 2002 at a male revue he was preforming at. I was only there cause my bestie at the time was the barmaid and i get lit for free. ( Thanks Carla and Christine's bar)  At the time i wasn't looking for nothing. It took him a while to even get my number. We just messed around off and off with lots of time in between til we got bored with each other. Yeah he was just my bed buddy. 

Fast forward 9 years November 11,2011(THE DAY)  he finds me on what Facebook and we start back chatting and after a few weeks he decided that he was tired of being out here and wanted to settle down. The first day we had a date I made dinner cause i wasnt in the mood to go out. We had dinner, laughed talked about the old days, and of course memories came flashing back and next thing you know... we making passionate mind blowing love. Funny thing we both are so quiet afterwards it was eerie. (cant listen to Trey Songz  ever over dinner). We just had the best chemistry ever and it never died down. I'm going on and on but that was the first day of our new found relationship. 

A few weeks later later he asked me to marry him and i feel in love all over again. 

Enough of that... he will always have a part of my heart and i wish him luck doing whatever makes him happy. Reason, season, lesson or lifetime. Unfortunately he FUMBLED.

Drawing a blank Day of Day 20

#20- the most memorable day of your childhood

 Growing up i was always around my brother Deon and my sister Theresa. We used to make up games and keep each other occupied. I cannot remember anything specific I just know it was with them. Playing any bounce in the street and flag football in the snow was awesome to me. My mom really wasn't focused on us when she got divorced from my dad and moved back to Cleveland. We always were in school, had a roof over our head, and she was there when we left for school. Guess this is why i hesitated to post. Glad I had my siblings and still have them now.

--------->next 

Saturday Luv ~ Day Of Days 19

#19- your favorite day of the week and why

Saturday is my favorite day of the week...why you ask? Cause it's my off day i get to keep my pj's on and not wake up at the crack to get my kids and up and to go to work. I don't kick it too much so I'm not planning outings. If my kids aren't home its my day of solace. I write i cry i meditate i do me. The kids are usually occupying there time watching TV or playing their games. It's chill day for me.

It's been real Jacobs Field ~ Day of Days 18

#18- the last day of your first adult job

I worked for the Cleveland Indians - Sportservice Inc from 1995 til 2002. I started my last year of high school. It started out as a seasonal job but i really worked all year round even in the off season. I had some great years with that company i actually was pregnant with both my kids during my time there. I started out as a stand manager and after a few years and being robbed by a few non-profit groups i had enough and wanted to get out the food/sports biz. I was making good money and plenty overtime there so i was good. I got promoted to a vending commissary manager on the first deck which was big cause it rocked in my section. I had grown to know and love my vendors (they tipped hella good) but i was the mother of two and i still hadn't got into the field i wanted to be in which was Medical. The off season of 2001 i was attending school for medical assisting and i was determined to get through it. My midterms were in the middle of a home stand so i called and let our Human Resources/ secretary know i had to call off to study. I received a call back regarding my request and i was told that i would be replaced during the home stand and would come back as a vending commissary attendant. 

I had worked and sacrificed too damn much of my time, health, and represented them fools to the fullest for them not to support my schooling. Beside our ticket sales were down cause the recent departure of Manny Ramirez and a few other key players. I'm like I'll be down there in an hour. I brought them my uniform, my keys, my badge and anything else they had given me and i resigned August 2002. I didn't say bye to anyone i just walked away. I had time another job working for the Cavaliers so it was no biggie. I still worked there up until being hired at my current place of employment September 2002. Its been all good since then. I still run into people i used to work with there and they asked why i left. My response: They didn't support me advancing my education and i dare not work for anyone who does such. There is no guarantees in life when you allow your dreams to sink due to fear. 

Take me now Lord... Day of Days 17

#17- a day where you helped someone in a big way

A few years ago I had a friend who tried to take her life. I'm not sure if she really was trying to do it but she called the person i was with and told them what she had done. In a matter of minutes we sprang into action driving erratically to my friends house. The door was unlocked and she was upstairs sprawled across her bed she had taken a considerable amount of Motrin maybe 40 600-800mg pills. She was unresponsive i had the friend call 911 and i started sternum rubbing to arouse her she responded by moaning leave me alone and sobbing. My friend insisted that i make her throw up but i wasn't sure if that was all she took. She was out cold. She woke up thrashing and we kept her restrained/calm til the EMS arrived and got her all hooked up and took her. I said a prayer over her and her children who were in another room sleeping. I don't know what pain in her mind body and soul was ailing her...at the time i didn't care i just wanted her here for her kids and by the grace of God she is. She got the counseling she needed and she is doing just fine to this day. I aint over..til God says its over. You never know what demon is coming for you. Keep God first and allow him to help you...

A Sweet Delivery ~ Day of Days 16

My Briana aka Lil Yellow

This little girl already started out as a surprise. I found i was pregnant with her when i went in for my Depo birth control shot. Yeah the doctor/midwife was surprised too. I was 9-13 weeks pregnant at that time you only got the shot every 13 weeks so I'm like wtf!! Me and her dad were not a couple...he was a few years younger than me. I had my qualms about this pregnancy because i already had my 3 1/2 year old son to care for and i really was done having kids...yeah i was 24 and not looking forward to it.

It was an okay pregnancy beside the weight gain and PIH. I had pre-eclampsia/toxemia with my son and they were sure i would have it this time. That day started off bad. I had an appointment to see the WIC office for my son and for me...i was an overweight mom due to pregnancy. All night morning i knew i was having contractions but i stopped counting cause i figure she wasnt due for another month its just my body acting up. Plus it was sweetest day the day before and of course i got it in with my honey aka her daddy.

As i am sitting there talking to the nutritionist she sees my face keep turning from pain to relief she asked was i okay i told her i just really needed to get home to lay down so i needed them to hurry up. I sat and waiting for my coupons and headed back down the street with my son in tow. I felt those contraction but i wanted to get my son home so i could come back alone. We waited for the bus in front of the hospital...first one was full so i stayed seated on the bench. Next one came and i went to stand up and i felt trickling down my leg. I didn't have to pee so i knew it wasn't right. There were 2 teenage girls sitting behind the bus station i asked one to come to me and told her when i stand up tell me if my pants are wet. I stood up and my water broke...yeah insert my face and my son saying "ooh momma you pee pee'd on you self" Thanks son...

the two young ladies walked me back down to Rainbow Babies and Children because i was lightheaded knowing my bp was low i was thankful. 

They pretty much triage me the same as my son my bp was now sky high and they had to bring it down. I was 35 5/7 weeks so she was a month to the day early. I sat Brandon in a chair turned on cartoons and called my mom, then had to call her dads job (he thought it was a joke) he worked downtown about 10-15 minute away i think he ran half way to the hospital lol. They called everyone else cause i was out of it with blackouts after that. She was in no way ready to come through the canal i stayed 4cm for like forever, mind you my water broke at 2-20 pm and i didn't have her until 455a the next day. Walking didn't work squatting wasn't working, and the pitosin was barely doing anything. They attempted an epidural but it was a no go. i just took it cause i knew i wouldn't be in these stirrups again. (signed for a tubal ligation at 6 months)

My mother and her father were the only ones in the room i kicked medical students out...you ain't guinea piggin me this time. i think by the time i was fully dilated she was starting to get in distress so i told them lets get this over with. I pushed about 4x and she popped out into her daddies arms she went. I have never in my life been so glad to be done. I won't try to tell anyone not to have kids but 2 was enough for me. At 830 a.m i was official tied stapled cut and through with childbirth. All bodies don't react the same to pregnancy...I'm glad i have them but I'm through with the experience. Y'all can have it.

She is now 12 and my joy and pain 

I made it.... c/o 1995 Day of Days 15

Class pictures for yearbook c/o 1995

My graduation day from high school was a proud day June 6, 1995. My mom and my sister were present i have no idea where my father was. My brother probably was somewhere getting in trouble and all the rest of the family had excuses. It didn't ruin my damn day cause i was accomplishing something that many people i knew were not. They had dropped out to have babies or work or fuck off. I don't know but i was determined to not go that route. I did wish i had more support there but seeing my momma face as i walked across that stage was enough for me. One of her kids did exactly what she told them to do. Go to school, make decent grades, and not get pregnant. My mom dropped out early to have my brother. She went back after her and my dad divorced and got her GED. I have my South High School diploma displayed in my house even tho my mom tried to cuff it, i felt it was mine to share and i held on to it. My children can look and see their mom did it and so can they against all odds i experienced while growing up. Can't stop won't stop pushing.

me and the class clown Deondre

me and the Valedictorian Author Love 

waiting for pomp and circumstance (my mom was snapping pics)

Please don't go... Day of Days 14

A day i hate to see coming will always be the day i have to say goodbye to someone i care about. Whether death, location change, end of relationship I don't like saying goodbye. It's a day i have lived and don't want to revisit. Emotions are heavy, prayer is in need, and sanity is near the edge. Last funeral i went to was my grandmother's. I refuse to attend anymore since then and I haven't. Goodbye is such a final word...i try not to use it. I'm a see ya later type of person. Never can Say goodbye....listen to my idol:

Christmas with My Family 2012 ~ Day of Days 13

 Christmas day 2012 started with a visit from one of my kids fathers with gifts for both of them.

Christmas 2012 was spent with my sister Theresa in pink and My twin cousins Kay and Lee. We decided to keep it simple and since i was having a hell of a time...a real hell of a time.

 This pic above is my daughter and her Dad... i know duh!! Twins. He stopped by to drop off her and my son's gifts with his parents. First time she didn't spend it with him. Go figure! His dad was actually dying from liver failure and it was all bad for him that day. 

 My daughter and her grandparents that just don't know how to say no to those lil brown eyes and lashes. They better take a lesson from me. 

my son and my niece they do love each other they are 2 years apart and the oldest of all the rugrats.

 my cousin and my sister funnin around for the camera 

 The children just finishing up the family tradition of spades and getting ready to be served...they had a little concert and everything.

 my cousin Kay doing what she do best...talking on her phone 

 my sister made a lovely dinner of Cornish hens, baked macnchees, greens, cornbread stuffing, green beans and potatoes  deviled eggs and more that i couldn't eat. 

 My big brother made a appearance this year with his son Deon Jr. Yeah i know he looks like me. 

Our mission this year was to continue to keep our children close to each other so they can grow up and be apart of each others life. We didn't find our cousins til i was 15 years old because of course when my father stopped communicating with my mom...we disappeared. It has been nothing but joy to have my cousins in my life. Our children have to know their roots. I didn't have everything i wanted for Christmas but i had everything i needed and that's not too bad. This will stand out as the best because i would rather forget the rest.