Can I breath again? Yes I can.

I’ve tried to just muffle this joy… I have been silent about what is taken place in my world. I have had a lot of question marks, exclamation points, and very firm periods over these last couple years. I have placed a block on my heart and it’s hard to penetrate this security system that many have been briefly interfaced. I’m not  beyond repair its just on high alert and in need of the real thing. I think…I think, I hope, I pray that Mr. Forever has entered my world. I have been head over heels for a man before…but this time it’s the other way around. He is so into me. Caters to me, Calms me, assures me and apologizes for whatever I have been through that has me questioning his every move and vice versa. We are >>>>>here<<<< yo.

I REALLY exhaled this week he asked me something that I have been dying to hear for my whole life…I didn’t say no. I didn’t say yes. I said it’s a possibility. For the first time in a long time I felt like a school girl. I’ve been celibate for a few months and it hasn’t worked for several fellas  I have talked to, they find out the coochie on clink-clink and they keep it moving. *shrugs* so what. I have no interest in being anyone’s girlfriend for the rest of my life. I thought long and hard about what I want to do with my 2012. Ever since early 2008 I have been in this endless circle of bad romance. I am wore out…I can’t take another heartbreak.

Mr. Forever doesn’t come without “baggage” he has a story too. Not used to a chick like me. But ready for the real thing. There is nothing more sexy than a man who wants to learn everything about you. What makes you laugh what makes you cry…your dreams your lows and highs… I missed getting those “I’m thinking about you, how’s your day, your beautiful, winks kisses, prayers…cute quotes. I get them without saying a word…visit at lunch time just to put a smile on my face…that type of shit makes me feel special. When you got to force someone to say sweet nothings its redundant. He is putting it on me...in more ways than one (mind your biz
I know one or more of my exes read the stuff I post so I’m going to say this:

 You were a very important person in my life. I loved you. I prayed for you. I was good to you. But you were never for me and I was never for you. I thank you for your many painful lessons. The long nights of crying, questioning my worth, and heartache. I can only hope you seek out and find what truly makes you happy cause it obviously wasn’t me. I am moving forward for the benefit of my heart. I have realistic expectations that someone will love me the way I need love and accept what I have to give with open arms. It’s your loss I may not be perfect, but I am worthy of a try. Too bad I didn’t get that chance *record stopping* scratch that you didn't  take the time to appreciate my worth. Take care and have a great life. I must let you go to allow him to love me unconditionally. Love always, Budda.

I feel so free y'all I pray for the day when I will be able to say I’m glad you were the best thing I never had…its coming. everyone and everything happens for a reason. I know believe me I know. stay tuned this story can only get better. Toddles people.


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