No Closure

Greetings everyone, 

Haven't visited this blog because i moved everything to Wordpress when all the business was going on about the sexually driven content here on blogger. 
I see myself shutting it down on Wordpress because I'm not one of those popular blogger who people can't wait to see post. I feel like I'm talking to myself most of the time anyway.

I have had a okay year. full of ups and downs as usual. Been trying to change a few stripes though. I'm trying my best to be open to different things lately. I often wonder if people even see the change. I have done better with hiding my feelings around certain people for their sake. That's not my thing.

What i am going through at this time in my life may be normal for some people but not for me. Who knew living right and doing right would turn into lifelong battle for me? Who knew being overcome with love and happiness would put me in a shell? I know I didn't but that's the way the cookie crumbles over here. Sad to say I share a lot of blame.

I really want people to realize losing my mom was very devastating to me. I still needed her. There are things that I didn't get to ask her. I still don't know what the hell I'm doing with these kids but dammit I'm winging it. I see so many take for granted that they still have the opportunity to learn and not judge their mothers. I am a mother so i know the many reasons why my mom had to do what she had to do. Still these thoughts don't fill the voids that overwhelm me from time to time.

Closure seems to be a word that comes across my brain in relation to all these things i don't understand. Whether it's relationships and friendships. I don't think I've done one thing to anyone that I haven't tried to explain my reasons and/or apologize. If I'm wrong I pray someone comes to me and corrects me. I hate when someone has something against me and they tell others instead of me. Thats an act of an coward.

I have closed myself up so tight that I haven't been in a relationship in 3 years now. I miss love. I miss the excitement of dating. I miss long walks and stolen kisses. I just have to be careful in who I give my attention and my secrets too. Everyone cannot handle the things I come with. Life is crazy y'all. I'm gonna keep living and loving those who want it. Thanks for stopping by to hear me whine... it's been real. 




Terrell Branch said...

I am glad I go to read this. As far as I can see you are doing a great job with the kids. Winging it is better than not trying, and having someone else around makes it harder to raise them right if they are not on the same page as you. Mom was a very strong woman and you take after her, with being stern when you have to then in the same breath be able to say I love you and make your heart melt. Hmm I think I will stop now. Feeling sad.

Angela Lykebudda White said...

Thanks Terry, this is normally where i come to vent and it has over the years been quiet. Thank you for all your support. Im doing my very best

Terrell Branch said...

We will chat soon


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