Thank God it's over.. Happy New Year

I think i have blogged enough in 2012 and i don't really feel the need to dwell on what i have already spilled all year. I am truly just dealing with what i have on my plate currently. 

I have endured so much pain this year and some of it was self inflicted and the rest i allowed someone to give me. I just want to live, love, and be happy. It's there for me i just have to grab it and hold on to it. I never ever want to negate the things i did this year. Everyone has things they regret and things they would never take back cause at the time it was worth it. I never want to speak a word of the bad things that happened this year. It gives it too much life. I'm ready to move on and be happy with me. Not a man, not a situation, not anything i cannot control. 

I bought into that ride or die bullshit this year. Not for me babes. I will never go as far  i did this year. Yea i got alot of happy moments out of it, but i also took alot of stuff that i normally would have thrown up the peace sign on. All in the name of love. It's time to give this fragile heart to take a break and get herself together. Lots of lonely nights behind me and many in front of me...but i won't have to worry bout nobody but me and my kids well being.

I've learned alot about the people around me. I know who i can trust, i know who i can confide in, and i know who is wishy washy. I may not say anything but i always observe everything that's said or done in my presence. Face value. Your friend have friends that they share information with. You may think its only between you and that person but its not. I chose to keep my shit to myself that way no one has a case of the "damn it slipped out" moment. Be a real friend if it doesn't have nothing to do with the other party then they need not know. 

My family is wonderful they really helped me keep my spirits up this holiday season cause i was going down fast. God is awesome cause i had no plans this year. He sent my cousin up here and sent my good friends out to kick it with me. I do really think it was him. I prayed for a decent birthday even if i was in the house chillin and i got it. Christmas was smooth and New Year's I'm going to drink a few glasses of wine in my living room and kiss the drama of 2012 goodbye. 

In conclusion i did publish my own poetry book available now on www.createspace.com/3816107 its called As The Budda Flows and the link to the book and the Kindle version is available on the side bar of both blogger pages. thanks to those who have supported me over the years. I will be releasing another erotic poetry book around Valentine's Day. 

Have a happy prosperous New Year to all my readers thanks for being apart of my world.


I need a Reset....only if it was that easy

Hmmmm.... i have so much that i don't like right now. I wish i could not care about anyone anymore. I hope those who have pissed me off lately know..i wont be carrying them over into 2013. I have grown very uninterested in reading or contributing to anything as of lately. It always turns out that someone will always take me being direct the wrong way. I'm not being a bitch, I'm being completely honest. I have respect for others feelings, but not sympathy for the things you can control. Sugar coating shit has never been one of my best personality traits. Go head analyze what i write..correct my grammar...judge my writing style. This isn't high school or college. I'm not awaiting approval from no body. Everything i write the way i talk...freely.

I said i was getting tired of the cyber world as far as FB goes i will be limiting my time to my groups. I barely read or comment on other peoples post cause it ain't worth it. Just like i was told don't post in a public forum and not expect everyone to have a different take on you. I define me. I don't and won't allow people to tell me who i am. Who i gotta be, what's OK to say. Fuck you and the high horse you rode in on. Flat out I have a different take on life. I am going to take my power back. I have allowed so much extra to consume me. This isn't a resolution it's a life change. Most cant say that with a straight face i can and will. I'm erasing my phone contacts and keep the numbers of those i do talk to, those i text, those i Tango with...because they communicate back with me...not just when they see a off the wall status of mine. 

See I'm pressing the restart button. I allowed the devil to change my whole life this year. Not a person the actual devil. I allowed things to get topsy turvy. I shut down on the one person who has been down for me cause i was fighting with this demon. I have to take some of the blame cause Lord knows i wasn't thinking clearly. One night i prayed for clarity and whew chile did i get a big kick in the face. Lost a friend (she lost me) and started letting insecurity into my relationship. I don't know how much God was in that but it happened so quick. I have opened the door to my future...it's not going to be an easy ride but i am going to try my best to keep it together. My children tell me all the time that they are happy and comfortable. I need to chill. I will never get to comfortable ever cause when i do the shit goes all bad.

You can't help who you love but you can help who you allow to be in your life. Love isn't a reason to stay together. I've said that before. I have zero interest in starting over. I don't want to be nothing but friends. This has been a rough one for me. I just want to be happy with Angie first. I'm back to working out, i try to eat right, and i try to keep my health on track. Once all that gets back into sync i will be a happy camper. Notice i didn't make anyone responsible for my happiness...it starts with me i get it! Yesterday was a bad day for me...i was angry and didn't know why. I am up typing this at 5am. I've been up every morning at this time on my off day. My thoughts are swirling around..i will put those on paper, they don't belong out here. For those who stop by and peep what i write thanks. For those who make snide comments in their blogs in reference to me Thanks...its my shit i do what i please Got It? It's all love boo. Smooches. 
wouldn't it be nice!!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...