Let the music play...music is power

With the departure of Prince I thought it was within my musically driven mind to share with you a few r&b songs that will forever move me. It's so many more but i'll post 4 artist/songs that get me in my feelings. I hope you enjoy them all and remember to listen to the lyrics... it's poetry in motion.

1. Prince - Most beautiful girl in the world. 

Growing up i wasn't the most outgoing person and i pretty much stayed to myself and did what i had to do to get through school work and everything else. Didn't have a daddy around to tell me i was beautiful. So this song reminds men that it means everything to a little girl/woman to have the man in her life tell her how beautiful she is. Listen to the words.

2. Shanice - Yesterday

Ever been in love and didn't want to let it go? Well Shanice made me understand you can't hold on to things that hurt you in the past. Everyone does not deserve a second chance. Sorry not sorry. Listen...

3. Glady Knight, Brandy, Tamia, and Chaka Kahn - Missing You

This song holds something special between me and my sister and mother. My sister is still here on Earth but if she wasn't I would miss her and carry on like she would want me to. My mom will always be my big sister girl. Sisterhood is so important. We have to stand strong together in this world of craziness. Listen..

4.  Mariah Carey ft BoyzIIMen - One Sweet Day

This song is just confirmation to me that we have to know we will meet our loved ones again on the other side. My one sweet day was when my mom told me she was proud of me (she always told me) but a week before she died was most important because she also said i did a great job trying to manage my life and my issues. She knew i would be okay. I love my momma. I'll see her again.

5.  Fantasia - Lose to Win

I love this artist because she performs like she is the only one in the room. Annointing comess in teh secular world too. In life you cant win them all and you have lose alot of things before you win the race. I cried when i first listened this cd. She left her heart on this one.

Bonus 6. Mary J. Blige - Take me as I am

I'm a Mary J fan from beginning to end and this song almost tops them all. No more drama and My life are both my faves. Take me as i am or have nothing at all... i got alot of flaws but i deserve a love that embraces all of me and vice versa.

No Closure

Greetings everyone, 

Haven't visited this blog because i moved everything to Wordpress when all the business was going on about the sexually driven content here on blogger. 
I see myself shutting it down on Wordpress because I'm not one of those popular blogger who people can't wait to see post. I feel like I'm talking to myself most of the time anyway.

I have had a okay year. full of ups and downs as usual. Been trying to change a few stripes though. I'm trying my best to be open to different things lately. I often wonder if people even see the change. I have done better with hiding my feelings around certain people for their sake. That's not my thing.

What i am going through at this time in my life may be normal for some people but not for me. Who knew living right and doing right would turn into lifelong battle for me? Who knew being overcome with love and happiness would put me in a shell? I know I didn't but that's the way the cookie crumbles over here. Sad to say I share a lot of blame.

I really want people to realize losing my mom was very devastating to me. I still needed her. There are things that I didn't get to ask her. I still don't know what the hell I'm doing with these kids but dammit I'm winging it. I see so many take for granted that they still have the opportunity to learn and not judge their mothers. I am a mother so i know the many reasons why my mom had to do what she had to do. Still these thoughts don't fill the voids that overwhelm me from time to time.

Closure seems to be a word that comes across my brain in relation to all these things i don't understand. Whether it's relationships and friendships. I don't think I've done one thing to anyone that I haven't tried to explain my reasons and/or apologize. If I'm wrong I pray someone comes to me and corrects me. I hate when someone has something against me and they tell others instead of me. Thats an act of an coward.

I have closed myself up so tight that I haven't been in a relationship in 3 years now. I miss love. I miss the excitement of dating. I miss long walks and stolen kisses. I just have to be careful in who I give my attention and my secrets too. Everyone cannot handle the things I come with. Life is crazy y'all. I'm gonna keep living and loving those who want it. Thanks for stopping by to hear me whine... it's been real. 

Blessings, 


Lykebudda

Love and Truth Challenge revisited (sort of)

So i was revisiting a challenge I participated in and i really wish i had an opportunity to revisit this one but that was a tough one to go through. I really truly wish that there were more good than bad things to mention when it comes to matters of the heart. I have learned by re-reading them i am making some same mistakes in my current relationship. Difference is we have a tighter bond than my prior relationships. 

Hindsight... baby is a motherfucker. I got people calling me and telling me I haven't left their mind and they couldn't really move on after doing me wrong. Some just bluntly throw the new chick up in my face like i care. I actually pray for a better outcome for them. I have been bitten by the love bug and spit out like old gum way too many times. I have the experience to know that if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...the muthafucka is a duck. You cannot rewrite a bad novel and resale it to me....with a new cover. 

I really do have mad love for my man right now. I want him to be successful. I want him to feel like he deserves me. Yes DESERVES me. I will no longer belittle my worth for any type of love. I want to be his wife one day but i want all demons and all that out his system. I will not go into another year feeling the way i did mid way through this year. Yeah i know it has its ups and downs but like I've said in many blogs I'm not into roller-coasters and i will get off when I'm ready. No man on this Earth will have the chance to say i got my way with her and didn't have to work for it.

I'm starting to worry more as i grow older but i shouldn't. What will be will be. I worry bout bills, kids and health. I crave stability. I'm talking bout that $200million dollar security. It's coming... maybe not the money but i will have my stability. Come hell or high water baby i claim it. I'm not going to suffer, be bitter, or go into some anti-man shell fuck that.

Love and the Truth will set you free....

Those who still stop by my blog and drop a line or two thank you those who breeze by thank you too nosey butt. Goodnight y'all.

Back to Business...

im an open book

 but i desire to close it

things are hard for me noone knows it

cause the strong woman in front of you has plenty of aches

has plenty of pains

has a lot of loss

but so much more to gain

the spirit of love is in a frenzy

the spirit of hate has risen up in me

the spirit of self doubt offends me

the angel of self love is dimming

trial and tribulations are deep

gets me restless

depriving me of sleep

the thought of my future often looks bleek

cause i have some monster hiding inside of me

i cant let him have Angie

thats not what God has placed before my feet

the strength of a man indeed 

to take on anything that tries to hinder me

evaluating my surroundings 

know i have so much more heaven around me

i need to take in the good air

and leave those demons to fight

they never fight fair

this pen has been in cessation

but i have something to say

some real shit for your ass expression....get ready for this trip

Lykebudda is back scribing with a mission

to save you all from the bs

its time to bring the wrath....its time to get back to business.

~Lykebudda2012©~ all rights reserved  

Goin through it

No this ain't about my love life...this about my life period. I've been trying to stay busy and do things that distract my brain from the anxiety I've been experiencing. Reading praying cleaning...and back to praying. Music my kids anything to stop my brain from churning. The devil is busy trying to get me on his team and it will never happen.God had been great to me. He has been everything I needed when I thought I was missing out on things. I'm starting to shut folks out and I shouldn't but its my best defense. I think there are people out there who pray against you. I say to them you are fighting a losing battle. My chief is stronger than yours...he has better weapons and more powerful words. Devil get behind me better yet under my feet. You are not welcomed and none if your weapons shall prosper in my world. Thank you lord for giving me some calm in my life. Those who pray with me and for what I may be facing thank you. Thank you for not asking many questions or feeling some way that I'm so quiet. Love y'all. Have a pleasant Sunday.

Triumph

Triumph

Victory

Success

Achievement

Blessed

Overcome

No stress

No mess

No more crying

No more sighing

A smile 

A laugh

A prayer silently answered

A hug 

A happy tear

A life without fear

a miracle

A calling

A generation curse destroyed

I lifelong journey endured

I acquittal in court

A signal that you have moved forward. 

Triumph.

~Lykebudda™©2011~

Optimism - Optimistic

*sigh* Its hard right nite being optimistic about somethings going on but negativity never got anyone anywhere. My kids are my motivators they make me realize I can do anything. All they know is mom is their superhero. That cape gets worn and I have to make little repairs on it, secretly replace it without them knowing. I have hopes of a bright future for my family.that song Be Optimistic by  Sounds of Blackness keeps running through my head. I'll post it when I find it. That's all I got.

Limitations ~ No Limits

"Said i'm loving you, loving you everyday don't you look no more Love without a limit" MJB

I have for some reason thought i had a limit of what i can take...but i also notice i have expanded my thinking lately. Maybe cause i'm getting older and i'm in what the hell mode. You only live once. You hurt a thousand times, you love a hundred times and you suffer/struggle at some point in your life. The only limits that are there are those you impose on yourself. 

I can say a million time "i'm not going through that shit again" and low and behold i'm back down memory lane. Never used to be big in my vocabulary until "never" walked up on me and swept me off my feet a few times in my adulthood. I wish never would keep his/her ass out of my damn way sometimes. 

I've cautioned myself to try not to put such a barrier around myself when its comes to motherhood, love, family and career decisions. To much has been passed up cause i had that "i don't do this or that" frame of mind i have had for a long time. Sky is the limit and i'm gonna ride this mutha till the wheels fall off.

The right Words...

I started typing this yesterday but stopped. I was talking with some sistars of mine about always having the words to say for someone else but never for myself. I take full responsibility for any and everything I haven’t achieved. Due to whatever circumstance. I feel like my focus has often been distracted by things  I shouldn’t let interfere with my progression. I’ve let love excuses and bad influences drain my common sense. I’ve always got a good word for someone but when it comes to me. I don’t know what to do.  I don’t really have a plan right now. I know what I need to do but now how I’m going to manage a lot of things. As I stated on FB my boss reminded me no one is standing in my way of greatness but excuses… I took it to heart.

It’s been many time where I wanted to call the fathers of my kids and tell them to come get their kids for a little while so I can get some things in order. But I’d be too scared those clowns wouldn’t do everything I do for my kids. Sad that I feel that way. I even dropped that bomb on my daughters dad, I asked him if God forbid something happened that I couldn’t be around for her could he manage. He say yeah I asked him what was her blood type and where is her birthmark, and what is her pediatrician name…dude went blank. I went off. All parents whether custodial or not should know or have access to everything involving their kid. The other one…smh I wouldn’t trust him to take care of my son’s issues right now, I have enough trouble. Those are things that trouble me and make me think of how irresponsible I was to be birthing these children with these fellas. But hey they here I love them and there is nothing that will change that. Nothing.

Matters of the heart….well I really been trying to put that one behind me. It’s hard cause there are things you share, remember, crave and desire. Doesn’t stop cause the contact between the two has come to an end. I am very hard on myself lately. Am I not pretty enough? Am I not ambitious enough? Am I worth the fight? Am I ready to start over? Things I wanna just put in a box and bring them out when my mental is better. I don’t want to continue to try and figure where I may have went wrong with any of my past relationships. I am a prize…and I didn’t lose a damn thing. They lost me. I am totally convinced that I didn’t my best and that really all I could do. I still get lonely. I still want things my way. I also need to let my heart rest. The rollercoaster needs repair…I stuck a wrench in that mofo.

i just don't know what to do with myself lately...i hate second guessing myself. ill get it together soon. I'll be feeling some kind of way for a while. Those who know and love me will understand what i'm saying...those who don't I ain't fo you understand. 

Day 7- Have you ever?

7. Have you ever loved somebody deeply? Explain

Yes I have...i can honestly say I have. Ive been in many relationships where there had been "strong like" but didn't reach the plateau of head over heels.
I can say I was in love with my son's father. He prolly was my first love honestly. He had my nose wide open, and to this day I can say I love him from day one. My mom used to say it was puppy love cause I wasn't very experienced.
He could tell me any thing and I would be like "OK Reggie" He had my little heart in the palm of his hands. He would laugh at my multiple pages (it was the 90's)  to his pager. He loved that I was sweating him. His kiss was gentle, his hands were mechanical, his words were like music and I was his audience.
In hindsight i think he is the reason I'm so hell bent on never being so in love I forget about my standards. I bore his child in December of 1997 alone suffering from preeclampsia...that's when I  knew I was deeply in love alone....and let him go. Its gonna take a superman to  get deep in that spot ever again.