Thank God it's over.. Happy New Year

I think i have blogged enough in 2012 and i don't really feel the need to dwell on what i have already spilled all year. I am truly just dealing with what i have on my plate currently. 

I have endured so much pain this year and some of it was self inflicted and the rest i allowed someone to give me. I just want to live, love, and be happy. It's there for me i just have to grab it and hold on to it. I never ever want to negate the things i did this year. Everyone has things they regret and things they would never take back cause at the time it was worth it. I never want to speak a word of the bad things that happened this year. It gives it too much life. I'm ready to move on and be happy with me. Not a man, not a situation, not anything i cannot control. 

I bought into that ride or die bullshit this year. Not for me babes. I will never go as far  i did this year. Yea i got alot of happy moments out of it, but i also took alot of stuff that i normally would have thrown up the peace sign on. All in the name of love. It's time to give this fragile heart to take a break and get herself together. Lots of lonely nights behind me and many in front of me...but i won't have to worry bout nobody but me and my kids well being.

I've learned alot about the people around me. I know who i can trust, i know who i can confide in, and i know who is wishy washy. I may not say anything but i always observe everything that's said or done in my presence. Face value. Your friend have friends that they share information with. You may think its only between you and that person but its not. I chose to keep my shit to myself that way no one has a case of the "damn it slipped out" moment. Be a real friend if it doesn't have nothing to do with the other party then they need not know. 

My family is wonderful they really helped me keep my spirits up this holiday season cause i was going down fast. God is awesome cause i had no plans this year. He sent my cousin up here and sent my good friends out to kick it with me. I do really think it was him. I prayed for a decent birthday even if i was in the house chillin and i got it. Christmas was smooth and New Year's I'm going to drink a few glasses of wine in my living room and kiss the drama of 2012 goodbye. 

In conclusion i did publish my own poetry book available now on www.createspace.com/3816107 its called As The Budda Flows and the link to the book and the Kindle version is available on the side bar of both blogger pages. thanks to those who have supported me over the years. I will be releasing another erotic poetry book around Valentine's Day. 

Have a happy prosperous New Year to all my readers thanks for being apart of my world.

Can I breath again? Yes I can.

I’ve tried to just muffle this joy… I have been silent about what is taken place in my world. I have had a lot of question marks, exclamation points, and very firm periods over these last couple years. I have placed a block on my heart and it’s hard to penetrate this security system that many have been briefly interfaced. I’m not  beyond repair its just on high alert and in need of the real thing. I think…I think, I hope, I pray that Mr. Forever has entered my world. I have been head over heels for a man before…but this time it’s the other way around. He is so into me. Caters to me, Calms me, assures me and apologizes for whatever I have been through that has me questioning his every move and vice versa. We are >>>>>here<<<< yo.

I REALLY exhaled this week he asked me something that I have been dying to hear for my whole life…I didn’t say no. I didn’t say yes. I said it’s a possibility. For the first time in a long time I felt like a school girl. I’ve been celibate for a few months and it hasn’t worked for several fellas  I have talked to, they find out the coochie on clink-clink and they keep it moving. *shrugs* so what. I have no interest in being anyone’s girlfriend for the rest of my life. I thought long and hard about what I want to do with my 2012. Ever since early 2008 I have been in this endless circle of bad romance. I am wore out…I can’t take another heartbreak.

Mr. Forever doesn’t come without “baggage” he has a story too. Not used to a chick like me. But ready for the real thing. There is nothing more sexy than a man who wants to learn everything about you. What makes you laugh what makes you cry…your dreams your lows and highs… I missed getting those “I’m thinking about you, how’s your day, your beautiful, winks kisses, prayers…cute quotes. I get them without saying a word…visit at lunch time just to put a smile on my face…that type of shit makes me feel special. When you got to force someone to say sweet nothings its redundant. He is putting it on me...in more ways than one (mind your biz

I know one or more of my exes read the stuff I post so I’m going to say this:

 You were a very important person in my life. I loved you. I prayed for you. I was good to you. But you were never for me and I was never for you. I thank you for your many painful lessons. The long nights of crying, questioning my worth, and heartache. I can only hope you seek out and find what truly makes you happy cause it obviously wasn’t me. I am moving forward for the benefit of my heart. I have realistic expectations that someone will love me the way I need love and accept what I have to give with open arms. It’s your loss I may not be perfect, but I am worthy of a try. Too bad I didn’t get that chance *record stopping* scratch that you didn't  take the time to appreciate my worth. Take care and have a great life. I must let you go to allow him to love me unconditionally. Love always, Budda.

I feel so free y'all I pray for the day when I will be able to say I’m glad you were the best thing I never had…its coming. everyone and everything happens for a reason. I know believe me I know. stay tuned this story can only get better. Toddles people.

Day 10 Erotic Truth Challenge - Keep them 5 Pumps Sucka!

10. A letter to the person you regret screwing .. tell em how you really feel…

Dear Mr. 5 Pumps, 

Although you impressed me on our many dinner dates and our humorous conversations you really didn't do it for me in the bedroom. Your head game was phenomenal all 45+ minutes of it. When you inserted your tool i didn't feel a thing...i had to look down cause i wasn't sure exactly what was going on down there. I attempted to look and see if you were just fingering me but you weren't. If not for the condom slightly rubbing the lips of my vagina i didn't know you were in there. The way you were sweating i would have thought you were killing da pussy but ummm that was short lived. As you unleashed your load i made my decision right there that we would never meat again. I need to feel something a lil more thick and long and you don't fit the bill. I cant be fucking round with someone who penis is the same size as my teenage son. It just wont work. Have a great life and seek out a penile enlargement....and work on your stamina. By the way i wrote something for you a few years back on MySpace too bad you never knew it was all about you. Here it is:

OKAY YALL MY GIRL CALLS ME THIS MORNING TO TELL ME BOUT HER RENDEZVOUS LAST NIGHT AND I WAS IN TEARS. WE SHARE ALL INFO. SHE STARTS OFF SAYING THEY HAD A NICE DATE AND ALL THAT JAZZ. THEY GET TO THE HOUSE AND GET TO GETTING PHYSICAL THEY PETTING AND SHIT IS GETTIN HOT IN THERE. HE STARTS GIVING HER SOME BOMB ASS HEAD SHE IS LOVING IT. SHE GOES TO RETURN THE FAVOR AND HE STOPS HERE SHORT "NAW BABY LEMME PLEASE YOU" (LOL) SO I GUESS THIS GOES ON FOR A WHILE AND SHE SAYS SHE LIKE I WANT SOME D**K (STOPPIN TO GET THIS LAFF OUT) SO HE OBLIGES HER AND PUTS IT IN... YALL THIS FOOL TELLS ME SHE FELT NOTHING! BUT HIM BRUSHING UP AGAINST THE P***Y AND IN 5 PUMPS THIS NUKKA SAYS THIS P***Y BOUT TO MAKE ME CUM SHE DOING THE SCOOBY DOO FACE CAUSE SHE AINT FELT A THING HE IS NOT IN THERE AT ALL LOL (THANK GOODNESS FOR GOOD HEAD) SO IN 5 PUMPS (SHE THINKS SHE STOP COUNTING) LMAO HE BUSTS A NUT....(HELL TO DA NAW I SAID TO HER) HE ASK HERE DID SHE CUM SHE SAID YES TO GET THE DUDE OFF HER AND MIND YOU SHE IS FEELIN THIS DUDE BUT HIS DICK GAME IS GARBAGE. SO HER QUESTION TO ME WAS SINCE THE ORAL THING WAS HAPPENING SHOULD SHE CONTINUE TO SEE HIM EVEN THO HE CAN'T FUK 2 SAVE HIS LIFE?

Sorry dude but I wish we didnt have sex...we prolly would have been great friends today. *shrugs*