Random Write (poem)

Listening to my heart

Boom boom boom boom

Its strong its alert

Its stable

It is not without scars

It is within normal limits

Nothing gets close enough to penetrate it

My past

My present

My feelings

My dealing

My world is in need of constant change

Nip tuck here and there

My alarms are on my bs meter is on sensitive

That’s all I got right now

That’s all I can give

I’m in need of rescue

I am fleeing for refuge

I don’t want to contain this flame

that is burning

to be exposed

you know that love that makes your toes

curl

head swirl

wake up feeling like a brand new girl

just don’t want the rug pulled out

open the door for distrust

I’ve learned from the best no doubt

all I want is a clear shot

to be truly happy

no bullshit

I’ve had enough of that…it must feel real

or I’m throwing the deuces.

~Lykebudda™2012©~

Its deep (collab featuring Mr. Deep)

 As Deep entered the house he called out his wife's name ”Budda are you home bae” no answer he placed his keys in the dish and noticed there was a message saying ”cum on up” he smirks slightly cause he knows his love is up to something. He quickly gets out his coat and shoes and makes his way up the stairs at the landing there is a message ”go to the bathroom” the jacuzzi is filled with bubbles and he wastes no time stripping away his garments. A glass of his favorite alcoholic beverage is chilled and sweating next to the tub. He gulps it down...and lays his head back. She is watching from the door ass he drifts into relaxation. Its time to remind him why he married her. She hesitates cause she is in awe of the magnificent man placed before her.as she enters the bathroom he awakens and motion for her to join him. Heavy kissing and petting ensues and before long...
(*DEEP*)
 He holds his breath at the beauty before him as his eyes linger ova his black queen an decides to show her something new he says don't move an take a deep breath an submerges himself under the water to devour her pussy in a way she has never experience before. His sweet suckles and lick gently climb to orgasmic levels she has only experienced with him, her lover, an friend as he forcefully grabs her ass to press that sweet bud of flesh to his mouth  as his last mins of air are just enough for her to reach a climax...
He the positions him self to rise up out of the water and to enter her love tunnel... at the same time  sending a new wave of pleasure to all her senses as his sweet kisses rain down on her so lovingly. When she looks into his eyes, she sees the need  for him to lose control and she gives her consent. He grabs both of her legs an place them in the bends of his elbows and begins to deliver stroke after powerful stroke till she can only hold on to him an enjoy the ride as he continually hits her g-spot an she is cumin so much she cant tell where one ends an the next begins they are running together as one complete sensory overload as he bites her neck in multiple places to lick suck an caress with his second most deadly weapon his tongue and he tells her over an over he loves her and all the ways he is in love as well as the pull of her body to him The love of her life is proclaiming his love and making her juices flow freely...he gently lifts her from the tub never missing a beat and carries her into their adjoining bedroom to continue the lovemaking...dries her off and dives back into Making her squirm as he butters her thighs and licks her buddaspot....
(*BUDDA*)

 She had different plan for the night but knows her man loves to please his queen he flips her over and examines her plump derriere and grabs the oil off the nightstand to message her back she knows she has to regain control or Her plans may go awry but her love for her man is insatiable she dare not decline when he touches her she melts. When he loves on her she weeps in pleasure. His hands feel like butter his fine frame is one of a Greek God. He strokes her from the back as he rubs her back gently the flood gates are opens he stops to catch 

Smiles down with love at the wonderful voluptuous ass is placed into his hands as he pounds himself from behind she thinks they'll become one from the persistent pace of playing with her clit an him beating it up from the back He reaches down an she thinks its just for a reposition hold when he grabs both legs below the knee for her to rest on her elbows an chest with her as in the air so high that he has a easier way to invade the deepest places inside her womb loving every drop of budda spilled against his balls the constant screams are driving him wild with pleasure to know that his woman loves the way he pleases her body an knows many different ways to please her sexual appetite. He shudders but never stops his rhythm of loving his wife this is the woman of his wildest dreams she compliments him in so many ways his only desire is to please her an make her happy she never wonders about his loves because he does all the little things as well as the big, that make her so happy on the inside an out. Their bond of lovemaking has yet to be experienced by any one else because the way they love each other they never really shared with anyone in their past They both sing a constant mantra of i love u to each other. Their love for each other is truly selfless their love is patient an kind when needed the love making is their affirmation to one another in so many ways that's why their convos can be had without words because they speak to each others hearts....to be continued

Goin through it

No this ain't about my love life...this about my life period. I've been trying to stay busy and do things that distract my brain from the anxiety I've been experiencing. Reading praying cleaning...and back to praying. Music my kids anything to stop my brain from churning. The devil is busy trying to get me on his team and it will never happen.God had been great to me. He has been everything I needed when I thought I was missing out on things. I'm starting to shut folks out and I shouldn't but its my best defense. I think there are people out there who pray against you. I say to them you are fighting a losing battle. My chief is stronger than yours...he has better weapons and more powerful words. Devil get behind me better yet under my feet. You are not welcomed and none if your weapons shall prosper in my world. Thank you lord for giving me some calm in my life. Those who pray with me and for what I may be facing thank you. Thank you for not asking many questions or feeling some way that I'm so quiet. Love y'all. Have a pleasant Sunday.

Can I breath again? Yes I can.

I’ve tried to just muffle this joy… I have been silent about what is taken place in my world. I have had a lot of question marks, exclamation points, and very firm periods over these last couple years. I have placed a block on my heart and it’s hard to penetrate this security system that many have been briefly interfaced. I’m not  beyond repair its just on high alert and in need of the real thing. I think…I think, I hope, I pray that Mr. Forever has entered my world. I have been head over heels for a man before…but this time it’s the other way around. He is so into me. Caters to me, Calms me, assures me and apologizes for whatever I have been through that has me questioning his every move and vice versa. We are >>>>>here<<<< yo.

I REALLY exhaled this week he asked me something that I have been dying to hear for my whole life…I didn’t say no. I didn’t say yes. I said it’s a possibility. For the first time in a long time I felt like a school girl. I’ve been celibate for a few months and it hasn’t worked for several fellas  I have talked to, they find out the coochie on clink-clink and they keep it moving. *shrugs* so what. I have no interest in being anyone’s girlfriend for the rest of my life. I thought long and hard about what I want to do with my 2012. Ever since early 2008 I have been in this endless circle of bad romance. I am wore out…I can’t take another heartbreak.

Mr. Forever doesn’t come without “baggage” he has a story too. Not used to a chick like me. But ready for the real thing. There is nothing more sexy than a man who wants to learn everything about you. What makes you laugh what makes you cry…your dreams your lows and highs… I missed getting those “I’m thinking about you, how’s your day, your beautiful, winks kisses, prayers…cute quotes. I get them without saying a word…visit at lunch time just to put a smile on my face…that type of shit makes me feel special. When you got to force someone to say sweet nothings its redundant. He is putting it on me...in more ways than one (mind your biz

I know one or more of my exes read the stuff I post so I’m going to say this:

 You were a very important person in my life. I loved you. I prayed for you. I was good to you. But you were never for me and I was never for you. I thank you for your many painful lessons. The long nights of crying, questioning my worth, and heartache. I can only hope you seek out and find what truly makes you happy cause it obviously wasn’t me. I am moving forward for the benefit of my heart. I have realistic expectations that someone will love me the way I need love and accept what I have to give with open arms. It’s your loss I may not be perfect, but I am worthy of a try. Too bad I didn’t get that chance *record stopping* scratch that you didn't  take the time to appreciate my worth. Take care and have a great life. I must let you go to allow him to love me unconditionally. Love always, Budda.

I feel so free y'all I pray for the day when I will be able to say I’m glad you were the best thing I never had…its coming. everyone and everything happens for a reason. I know believe me I know. stay tuned this story can only get better. Toddles people.

Zen = Peace in mind body and spirit

Urban dictionary defines Zen as follows: One way to think of zen is this: a total state of focus that incorporates a total togetherness of body and mind. Zen is a way of being. It also is a state of mind. Zen involves dropping illusion and seeing things without distortion created by your own thoughts. 
I started to write what were things i did to find my place of Zen but i ran across these helpful tips that i plan on adding to my day to day to help me live a calmer life. I hope it helps you too. ~Budda

Zen is a way of being. It also is a state of mind.

Zen involves dropping illusion and seeing things without the distortion created by your own thoughts. I submit that we (Westerners) are often so distracted in our multi-task-driven lives that we barely have time to breathe, let alone find anything near the aim of the Mahayana Buddhists.

We can all use a little piece of Zen in our lives, if only for a moment. And while these suggestions may only be baby steps, they are hopefully steps in the right direction.

1. Zen through your eyes: Simply close your eyes. It’s amazing how much we can take in and how much we can wear out our poor pupils, especially sitting in front of computer screens all day. Give your lids a rest and close them – if only for a minute of solitude.

2. A zenful breath: Ujjayi is a yoga breathing technique used to try and center one’s focus away from all the many distractions in our daily life. The simplest way to describe the Ujjayi technique is to pretend you are holding a mirror in front of you and exhale and inhale deeply towards that imaginary mirror as though you were trying to fog it up. Now close your mouth, breathe through your nose as you remain aware of that same quality of breath (a Darth Vader-like breath, similar to the sound of the ocean). This sound is continued through a slight closing off of the back of the throat during both your inhales and exhales. Try breathing as deeply as you can using this technique for 20 full breaths to see what its effects are for your body.

3. The sound of Zen: Play a mix of your favorite calming tunes. Try sacred or classical music if you prefer something purely instrumental, or new age artists like TJ Rehmi and Enya for slightly more upbeat – yet meditative in their own way.

4. A sip of Zen: The benefits of green tea are many including lowering of “bad” cholesterol (LDL), helping to prevent cancer, reducing high blood pressure, lowering blood sugar and destroying the bacteria that forms plaque. Try a cup of Tazo’s Zen green tea when you need a meditative moment, with a side of health-minded benefits.

5. The scent of Zen: Use aromatherapy lotions or oil sprays (diluted oils in a spray bottle) at your desk, home or even in your car to surround yourself with the instant soothing scent of lavender or bergamot, the comforting aroma of vanilla, chamomile’s relaxing benefits or meditative effect of sandalwood.

6. The beauty of Zen: Take a moment to create something expressive…write a poem, song lyrics, a quick sketch or collage…something fun, creative and artistic. It’s during these moments of creativity that we can find peace and rejuvenation.

7. The path to Zen: It’s simple, it’s comfy, it’s a toasty pair of clean socks. That’s right, something as easy as changing into a new pair of socks during the middle or end of your day can give you a new found rejuvenation.

8. Understand Zen: If stress is piling up around you at work or home, take a few minutes to bring your awareness to the greater meaning of it all. 

9. Sharing Zen: We send out mass emails, forwards and e-cards, and rarely see personalized mail anymore. Pass on a bit of Zen through the unexpected personalized email or letter to a friend or family member – just because.

10. Healing touch of Zen: Aches and pains distract us from fully focusing on the present moment or task at hand. Help relieve the distracting tension by throwing a warm heating pad on those sore shoulders, neck or lower back.

I really hope these are helpful.

Youth - 35 years young

Young budda above didn't know any pain, any strife...she didn't know her mother's heart was broken. She didn't know nothing but that she was lucky to be alive. See young Budda was a granny favorite when we moved back home after the separation of her mother and father. All she knew is she loved her granny house and her cooking and her ability to keep mommy from whooping on her and her siblings...

Seventeen year old Budda graduating from high school. She was just at the beginning of discovering herself. She over the years has witnessed poverty, domestic violence, and watching her mother bust her ass to keep a roof over her head. Attempted molestation and an intervention by God leading her away from the normal trouble most teens get into. Having a job kept her out of trouble and away from pregnancy, drugs and other things most youth fall into. Graduated with honors and with dignity.

Today i turned 35 years old i bring with me lots of experience in love...that real love the one i can only find in my children's eyes. Today November 24th is also Thanksgiving Day...i have so much to be thankful for. I said i wouldn't shout them out cause i already spoke to my god about them. He provides me with all that i have and doesn't give me more than i can handle. I feel young because i know there is alot of life ahead of me and I'm going to appreciate everything i have been through...the journey has lots of twist and turns and I'm ready for it.

X-Factor

I was going to write a paragraph about how some ex-boyfriends suck but i no longer plan on addressing those of my past anymore. Not worth my time and energy.

Weakness

I would say my weakness is loving and to be loved but I'm not feelinh it right now. But I will have a fat girl moment and share what foodsv make me weak.
Seafood- smothered in garlic butter it can be shrimp lobster or catfish. I love it. Throws me way off my dirty plan.
Baked chicken - filet or whole.its a must have in my freezer
Junk food- Nutty buddy ice cream chewy lemonhead candy
Frozen veggies - broccoli cauliflower asparagus spears
Cakes -casada cakes and apple pie
Sides -garlic mashed potatoes and homemade macaroni and cheese.

These foods make me weak...and fast but I love en and plan on eating them all this weak.

Validation ~ Checks out

I've been actually hovering over this blog for a few days. I have a big issue with a lot of things in my life right now. Relationship issues I don’t have cause I no longer have a relationship. As the days go by I notice we don’t talk as much, text or even take the time to make time for each other anymore. Basically it’s over and there may be no fixing it. I never in my life needed a man to validate if I’m worthy of anything. I add value to myself. I make me look good. My skills make me an asset. So if I’m the loneliest girl in the world it’s because of my doing, not cause of whose in my life and who isn't.

 I used to think no one will want me if he doesn’t. After several years of bad relationships, I’m pushing back from the spectrum and just observing. I won’t be pining over no one and crying over nothing. This was my position in late 2009 and I let love back in and it wasn’t bad but it was a lesson. When that was over amicably we stayed friends and still are cool…no strings attached. Then lost love shows up and sweeps me off my feet only to drop me when the going got tough. My ass is starting to hurt from being dropped so many times.

 I need to value my sanity and protect what little heart I have left. Rebuild my trust and my faith in love. I don’t wanna keep rambling but this is what flashed in my head when I started typing validation. I love so hard and am so faithful. I am starting to think is it worth it? Maybe I should be a money hungry bitch that gives up the goodies and gets her bills paid with no love lost. Not in my nature but hey a change may be in order…I won’t validate if I follow through lol.

Uniquely Me

Unable to categorized

Nice lips, healthy thighs

I stand for the truth despises lies

Quiet beast, outspoken, refined

Unmasked I never hide, my true feelings

Empathetic, uncensored, free to be me.

Unique.

~Lykebudda©2011~

Triumph

Triumph

Victory

Success

Achievement

Blessed

Overcome

No stress

No mess

No more crying

No more sighing

A smile 

A laugh

A prayer silently answered

A hug 

A happy tear

A life without fear

a miracle

A calling

A generation curse destroyed

I lifelong journey endured

I acquittal in court

A signal that you have moved forward. 

Triumph.

~Lykebudda™©2011~

Secrets - We all have em, I guess?

Everyone has them but you know some live so high on the hill they think people don’t know what they are really up to. I don’t have many secrets cause I feel like I’m a free spirit and some things I share and some are on a need to know kind of basis. If it aint your business you just don’t know. A secret to me is you slept with your home girl man, and you nor him tell the friend. You hang around laughing and listening to her gloat about him and don’t say a damn thing. When the secret erupts the trust is gone cause you didn’t care enough to keep it 100. I can’t stand the kind of stuff. I’m sitting here and trying to think of a recent secret I had to keep…but I got nothing. There are plenty of skeleton’s that come up when a person place or thing is mentioned but nothing that would be deemed a secret to me. Some things are best kept to yourself…if I tell you something about me its because I trust you. 

Revelations ~ The Truth

I was going to the Bible on this one but changed my mind. Time will reveal everything that's done in the dark. These people with hidden agendas and motives will all have their day. The truth shall set you free and a lie will hold you hostage cause you have to keep lying to cover up the initial lie. That's bout all the knowledge I'll drop on this.

Questions ~ A Poem

Questions

A thousand questions running through my head

My expression shows my confusion

My wrinkled brow shows my stress

I tend to obsess

I tend to question myself

The old

Who?

What?

When?

Where?

 Why?

The questions are not getting answers

I don’t even know why

I try to rationalize

I just take it day by day

Cause some questions have unspeakable answers

It’s not by sight not by mouth

Answers that you really don’t have patience to wait for

You assume and you move on

While the world keep turning

The question I have

May never be answered the way I like

But the truth

Hurts much less than a lie.

~Lykebudda©2011~

People

Singing "I am every day people"
I am sorry to say that i'm getting fed up with people..big people little people short people tall people smart people dumb people evil people angelic people....just people period are not on my to do list.
I think i have reached a plateau in life that i really really don't have time for the bs. This week taught me a lesson. I was right about of not making anyone in my office relevant. These damn sensitive ass people threw dirt on my name and even though i know my boss has better judgement about me, i know I'm on their radar right now. Not good but i got this trust me. I have been fortunate to be employed by one of the best hospital in the country and i plan on retiring from it.

I have worked with People since the first job i have ever help. I was a counselor at the Boys & Girls club at 16...i really enjoyed it. McDonald's at 17 (hella old people at that location with Buckeye Cards) I worked for the Cleveland Indians/Cleveland Cavaliers from age 17-25 (food service & vending comm manager) and I have been at UH Hospital for 9 years (patient care/secretary) See i have been working with people for a long time.

My world is not in any type of turmoil I'm just trying to get by like the rest of the world. My attitude has been nonchalant lately. I guess I'm just fed up with alot of stuff and people are just getting the wrath of my woes. Stay out my way and you will be just fine.

Optimism - Optimistic

*sigh* Its hard right nite being optimistic about somethings going on but negativity never got anyone anywhere. My kids are my motivators they make me realize I can do anything. All they know is mom is their superhero. That cape gets worn and I have to make little repairs on it, secretly replace it without them knowing. I have hopes of a bright future for my family.that song Be Optimistic by  Sounds of Blackness keeps running through my head. I'll post it when I find it. That's all I got.

Nucleus - Center of Everything

In my home I am the center of everything...the head of household..the matriarch. But God its the Nucleus of my life. He makes the works go round and no one would be here without him. His is the head of my life..he always is there for me when I need him. When he took my grandmother home I couldn't do nothing but thank him for allowing me 31 years to have her. Today she was heavy on my mind...don't know why but I'm sure there was a reason. I have not been to church in a while and I feel pretty bad about it. Watching online is not always good. I'm babbling but y'all get it. I need to make Christ the nucleus if my life..maybe things will start going right.

Music ~ I Love Music

ICrushALot.com

Music has been good to me in one way of the other ... made me laugh made me cry made me feel good. Music is cleansing. Can remind you of a moment in time or a stupid mofo that broke your heart.

I'm gonna drop 4 music vids that attribute in some way or another.

SPIRITUAL

LOVE

MOTHER-HOOD

SECURITY/CONFIDENCE

Limitations ~ No Limits

"Said i'm loving you, loving you everyday don't you look no more Love without a limit" MJB

I have for some reason thought i had a limit of what i can take...but i also notice i have expanded my thinking lately. Maybe cause i'm getting older and i'm in what the hell mode. You only live once. You hurt a thousand times, you love a hundred times and you suffer/struggle at some point in your life. The only limits that are there are those you impose on yourself. 

I can say a million time "i'm not going through that shit again" and low and behold i'm back down memory lane. Never used to be big in my vocabulary until "never" walked up on me and swept me off my feet a few times in my adulthood. I wish never would keep his/her ass out of my damn way sometimes. 

I've cautioned myself to try not to put such a barrier around myself when its comes to motherhood, love, family and career decisions. To much has been passed up cause i had that "i don't do this or that" frame of mind i have had for a long time. Sky is the limit and i'm gonna ride this mutha till the wheels fall off.

Kindred ~ Related

I'm not family oriented as normal people. I grew up with both parents til the age of 10. Then our life is pretty much a blur. I don't remember most of my childhood. I recall meeting my cousins on my mother side when we first got back here. We kicked it with them every weekend since we were all in the same age range. Then as we grew older we moved apart. It was too easy to just move on me my sister and brother didn't have structure around the house cause mom worked 16 hours a day. We needed.that but it just couldn't happen. I think family should eat together.

Kindred spirits are like family you just mesh together...without being blood related. I have alot of people who I call family cause they treat me and are there for me like family and vice versa. I'm just babbling here but y'all know what I'm getting at.
Kindred souls, kindred spirits, kin-dred.