Ambition - Evolve

I'm feeling this quote above. I am happy with whats going on right now. I know that I have so many options that I an start motivating myself to pursue but fear is holding me back. Fear of not being able to feed my kids if i have to cut my hours due to school. I really need to get my nursing degree. I cant stay stuck in the same job forever. I was speaking to some friends of mine about this and really got teary eyed about it. 


One thing people know about me is I am not afraid to work. I have been on someones pay roll every since i was 15 years old. I have always managed to stay employed and if it didn't work out for me i quickly resigned and left that place. I always joke and say if i hit the number i still would work cause i would feel useless sitting around...no bullshit. I would have to be an active millionaire assisting hands on maintaining my company. 


Another venture i would like to pursue is getting my poetry book published. Its a dream of mine and I have put that on the back burner also. I'm not the best poet but i am a honest poet. Thats how i define my craft. I speak from my heart and without worry of someone not appreciating it. I have talked to a few people but i think i'm going to self publish it and let whoever buy it if they want to. Yeah that's less stressful.


I have several ambitions its just a matter of me applying myself and doing what i can....

The right Words...

I started typing this yesterday but stopped. I was talking with some sistars of mine about always having the words to say for someone else but never for myself. I take full responsibility for any and everything I haven’t achieved. Due to whatever circumstance. I feel like my focus has often been distracted by things  I shouldn’t let interfere with my progression. I’ve let love excuses and bad influences drain my common sense. I’ve always got a good word for someone but when it comes to me. I don’t know what to do.  I don’t really have a plan right now. I know what I need to do but now how I’m going to manage a lot of things. As I stated on FB my boss reminded me no one is standing in my way of greatness but excuses… I took it to heart.

It’s been many time where I wanted to call the fathers of my kids and tell them to come get their kids for a little while so I can get some things in order. But I’d be too scared those clowns wouldn’t do everything I do for my kids. Sad that I feel that way. I even dropped that bomb on my daughters dad, I asked him if God forbid something happened that I couldn’t be around for her could he manage. He say yeah I asked him what was her blood type and where is her birthmark, and what is her pediatrician name…dude went blank. I went off. All parents whether custodial or not should know or have access to everything involving their kid. The other one…smh I wouldn’t trust him to take care of my son’s issues right now, I have enough trouble. Those are things that trouble me and make me think of how irresponsible I was to be birthing these children with these fellas. But hey they here I love them and there is nothing that will change that. Nothing.

Matters of the heart….well I really been trying to put that one behind me. It’s hard cause there are things you share, remember, crave and desire. Doesn’t stop cause the contact between the two has come to an end. I am very hard on myself lately. Am I not pretty enough? Am I not ambitious enough? Am I worth the fight? Am I ready to start over? Things I wanna just put in a box and bring them out when my mental is better. I don’t want to continue to try and figure where I may have went wrong with any of my past relationships. I am a prize…and I didn’t lose a damn thing. They lost me. I am totally convinced that I didn’t my best and that really all I could do. I still get lonely. I still want things my way. I also need to let my heart rest. The rollercoaster needs repair…I stuck a wrench in that mofo.

i just don't know what to do with myself lately...i hate second guessing myself. ill get it together soon. I'll be feeling some kind of way for a while. Those who know and love me will understand what i'm saying...those who don't I ain't fo you understand. 

DAY 30 - MUSICAL CHALLENGE FINALE- I'M JUST PLAIN OLD ANGIE

30.  Compose your own song.  Describe the type of beat…or what song it would be similar to.  What would be the lyrics (of if its’ going to be an instrumental explain why).  What would be the title?  Also share what, if anything, you learned through this challenge.

Monica...sweetie this finale gonna be short and sweet cause its a bad time for me and i cant seem to think. Deep Inside by MJB reps me to the fullest...me and Mary are >>>>>here<<<<< on this song. I'm just me nothing more nothing less. This challenge did allow me to put music to alot of scenarios in my life. I'm sure when any of them come up i will be thinking bout the song i chose to post. Thanks for the challenge and i look forward to more ahead in the future. thanks all especially Reggie for keeping up with me.

Day 29 - Dedicated by R. Kelly

Day 29.  Dedicational song to the person/people who always had your back?

My mother has been there from the start...not the Claire Huxtable mom but she did and is doing her best and that's why she is my favorite girl.

LIKE MOTHER LIKE DAUGHTER

Day - 28 - Find your way back by Kem

Day 28.  Someone who hurt you in the past comes back for a second chance.  Depending on your response, what’s the song?

Ha...this song became true to life to me in March...thats all i'm gonna say Kem knows just what to say for me...

Day 27 - Freakum Dress by Beyonce

Day 27.  You’re getting cabin fever from being in the house and just want to get out for the night.  What’s your joint?

Somebody needs a reality check on how cold a chick really is...Watch me get in the wind with my freakum dress on.

Day 26 - Candlelight and You

Day 26.  You’re feeling your sexy; name that tune.

Nothing like a sexy duet to make you feel sexy...bubblebath and soft music alone or with a boo...

Day 25 - Just kickin it by Xscape

Day 25.  You are about to indulge in your favorite food or drink to wind down.

Just kicking it...Moscato, Ciroc, or whatever with some good ol wings or seafood to soak up the liquor

Challenge Intermission - Do better Ladies!

Now im going to need you to take this which ever you want to ladies. We need to do better including myself. Me and my girl was having a convo about a few things yesterday. How the people around and close to us are bickering over silly shit. We need to be more proud of how we represent ourselves. We need to be more respectful enough to tell a man to kick rock when he aint speaking our language. We need to heed the words we speak. Stop speaking of how much of a boss bitch you are and show it in action. Stop kicking it and spending unnecessary money when your home aint taking care of. You dont have to be seen all the time unless thats your profession, how you make money. I rather be home with my kids spending time with them nowadays cause they will be grown and gone one day and i wont have em. I dont have interest in being the topic of negative conversation cause their aint nothing anyone can say about me that i wont say about myself. Some of these dudes making a damn fool of y'all and you know it but will still mean mug the next or prospective female for what the dude doing. Men feed off that...i dont blame em. People can only do what you allow period. I grew up having a short list of friends and it has followed me into adulthood. I chose who i want to be bother with. I dont pick my friends according to status, looks, or sexual preference. If you have any issue about who I kick it with thats sounds like a personal problem. susie dont like Joan and joan dont like Peggy so neither should you type of shit. No ma'am thats YALL issue (we clear) dont wanna kick it cause they around...*shrugs* so be it. We need to support each other. I've been going through a few personal things but i will never stop smiling. Never stop being me. Never stop being honest with y'all. I hate to see my ladies being ugly towards each other...we got enough plotting against us. You can never be called weak for being the bigger person. If you been beefing with someone call em up and squash that little shit. It aint worth missing out on your best friend/sistar girl/buddy or anything else. Cuss words and all on a Sunday im sharing my thoughts. God know i'm right. 

~Angie

*for those smacking your lips and saying what Budda on today...im typing this directly to you boo-boo* :)

Day 24 - So Beautiful MJB

Day 24.  You are on a dream vacation.

So Beauitful...by MJB

(From How Stella Got Her Groove Back)

Jamaica or Caribbean meet a beautiful chocolate man of my dreams and let it flow..